Where did my tiny baby go?

Since day 1 I have breastfed my baby, and I’m proud that we have come this far (8 months strong). However, a few days back, I noticed for the first time that I can no longer hold her as I used to when she was smaller. When she first came into this world I could hold my tiny baby with just one arm. When we started to live our lives home, I could breastfeed her while holding her in one arm and perform house chores with the other. This is no longer the case.

On top of my baby being bigger, she moves a lot more and asks for her food in an off pattern. My baby is very clever, God bless her. She knows how to get my attention so that I give her the food she longs for. On the other hand, she also recognizes when I am trying to put her to sleep. At this young age, she has learned that being awake is much more fun than sleeping. She may be scratching her face and all grumpy because she is tired, but when she does not want to sleep she will put up a good fight and be as silly and loud as she can be in order to stay awake. You see, she is stubborn and wants to stay alert to see what is going on.

As the days go by and I reflect on this, I notice that this is how our relationship with God usually goes. You see, when we first surrender our lives to Christ we cling on to him because we recognize that He is our only way to the Father. However, I am afraid this relationship changes as we grow and become stubborn. Sometimes, we believe we can do things our way and ignore that we should be following God’s plan in our lives and not our own. As we grow we change in many aspects of our life.

My tiny baby is growing, and now I must hold on to her with both arms. Soon she will be running, and I will have to chase her. As a parent, I cannot control all her moves. The older and bigger she gets, the more I will have to trust her and most likely stop being the person she will turn to for everything. Just imagining it shakes my heart. How much more does God love us to provide us with free will? How much more can He do so that we see that His plan is the way we should go?

I now understand at a deeper level this Bible verse “And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’” (Matthew 18:3). Little children always look for guidance, for protection, for love. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and become that tiny baby that came into God’s arms, let Him hold you tight, and everything will be better than it is now.

Trust in God as your anchor to your soul and you will reach your purpose.

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